It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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