Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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