I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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