Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
