Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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