A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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