Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
