you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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