He uses pillows to masturbate.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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