I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
