YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
