Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
