I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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