so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
