Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
no, he came in my armpit
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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