I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
