the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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