After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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