He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i think im in europe. pls send help
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
