Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
