Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
