I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
