I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
