So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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