We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
