He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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