All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
