I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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