I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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