My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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