Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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