just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
