We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
