I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
