I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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