I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
