what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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