Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
