So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
