No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
