His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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