I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
