If that was your dad, he is hot
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
