I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
