I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
