dude i'm inner monologue high
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
