I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
