did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
