I heard we made out
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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