new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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