Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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